Giving Thanks

Hello my loves! I thought perhaps I should put up a post since I haven't in a while. Contrary to rumors, I am not dead. My life is simply taken up with school and such. I've started my first year of the Bachelor of Education program and it is very busy. I have 6 courses as well as a practicum. I'm at Ladysmith Intermediate School for the year with a Grade 4 class. I love it. They are beautiful kids. I can't wait to have some of my own. This Tuesday I actually get to teach my first lesson in math.

I realized a while ago that I hadn't told very much about my summer and so I thought now might be an oppurtune time to do it. (You know, instead of actually doing my homework ;) I know that the transition between summer and school can be a hard one and we all go through seasons in our lives where we feel drought as well as seasons in our lives where we feel rain.
It's funny how hindsight is 20/20. I was reading through the Psalms and one verse grabbed me because it pretty much summarized my whole summer. "For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me; my vitality turned into the drought of summer." (Psalm 32:4) I was so thirsty for God all summer and I felt like He was holding out on me. I struggled so much to even concentrate at times. It wasn't until after school started that I realized part of my problem was that I hadn't owned up to how I was really feeling. I had to admit that I felt abandoned and betrayed by God. And I couldn't figure out how to reconcile what I felt with what I knew. I knew God would never forsake me but it really felt like He had.

Still, I resolved not to give up on Him, simply because He never gave up on me. I told Him I was angry with Him, I asked Him to touch me (begged really) and only got more frustrated when weeks went by and my prayer wasn't answered. But I kept at it, becoming more and more despondant, saying "though he slay me, yet will I hope in Him" (Job). And finally, He brought me to a place where I was at the end of myself and at 4 in the morning, He touched me. He knew I couldn't free myself from the anger and bitterness (not only at Him but at other things as well) I had trapped myself in. So in His divine mercy and His divine time, He took it away. Literally, I felt it drain out of my body to be filled instead with His peace. There was still hurt but I had a Healer so it was okay.

And now He continues to teach me and I continue to learn how to love Him. I guess the point of this is, if you are thirsty and beaten and frustrated, tell Him. Don't give up on Him. It may be a while before you come out of the valley and you may feel like He is not there but you know He is. You may not be able to reconcile how you feel with what you know, so stop trying. Ask Him to do it. Put faith in Him and in His promise to you.

My latest journal entry was so encouraging to me. "I danced with God. I remembered who He is. I listened to Mark Driscoll's 'Death By Love' and was slapped in the face." Now, Mark Driscoll is a pastor at Mars Hill Church in Seattle and I highly recommend you download iTunes, go to the Mars Hill Sermons in the Podcasts and listen to what He has to say. If you want a reminder of who Jesus is and what He's done, listen to "Death by Love". We have an amazing God and He will never give up on any of you. When you come out of the darkness, you will see that He has been by your side the whole time and you will see that more of you has been scraped away and filled with more of Him. You will shine brighter and you will remember.

I miss you all so much and I remember you. Take care. I love you.
ORA